BEAUTIFUL AWAKENINGS - PRELUDE / CHAPTER 1

Prelude
*

I had never imagined going through the experience of watching someone you love irrevocably die. I never had any reason to think about it, and when other people – my peers even, would talk about loved ones and the pain of their death that came about in effect, I would do my best to sympathise, naturally, and even think about how the reality of it all would be – but I would have never imagined it like this.
I looked across from where my feet stood frozen in place – and even the very simplest of reflex actions seemed all but alien to me. I didn't move - trying my very best with every fibre of my body to understand if any of this was real. I knew that if I had followed what my head had told me – what my logic had always told me – which my heart had constantly defied – that I would not be in the situation I was in now. If I had left things alone – had left everything to follow its own path, and to let nature take its course, then this would not be happening. But I had been weak when I should have been strong, I had refused to follow my head and waste my heart on another person, to save myself from the pain. But terrified as I now was, standing here, knowing that this might be the end – I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision of choosing to stay and forgive – to offer one last chance for redemption – one last chance for love. I continued to look across, my breathing now spasmodic, smiling now, knowing that he could see my face – every expression that ran across my face, every expression that reflected my thoughts – everything that I yearned to say to him, how badly I wanted to hold him, all wrapped up in one smile, as I tried desperately to fight back the thought that this might be the last chance for me to feel again – the last time that I would feel loved, and complete. I looked at him – Time and space stands still – silent. The blood now started to slow in my veins, my breath began to catch in my throat, as I felt like I ws gasping for air, wanting – needing more time. I walked over to him and he pulled me into his arms, crushing my body into his and kissed me – his kiss upon my lips – the only one that had ever frightened me. Our bodies now locked together, too much tension passing between us, and too strong an intensity to the way his lips touched mine before he pulled me closer to him, our lips now crushed together. As he looked at me, and I took his face into my memory for the last few seconds that dawned upon us, we both knew that we had only so much time left.

*
The final sounds of the last song echoed around the room, seeming louder than the previous songs had been, partly due to the fact that my mind was focused elsewhere. I knew this song – all the songs inside and out, and my feet moved in sync with effortless, fluid movements that were both sharp and precise – in short, it was perfect. My dance steps were perfect, the routine was perfect, but the passion that I always had had for dance music was now ebbing away. As my feet came to a standstill, the last note still blaring out in the empty dance studio, I realized this all too late as I looked up, tiny drops of sweat started to run down my back, as the music finally came to an end, and I stood there, breathless and feeling on edge. My hair had been pulled back into a tight ponytail, but now, thoroughly exasperated, I tugged on the hairtie at the back of my head, and shook my head, my tumbling curls falling everywhere, making me look tired and disorientated.
I smoothed my hair back nervously, and started to bite my nail as my dance director emerged from the corner of the room, where he had been watching me with baited breath, and now I could see him as he walked into the light, coming closer towards me and started to clear his throat several times. He seemed just as nervous as I looked, and in truth, he had every reason to be, as this was not the time to be messing things up.
For the first time since I finished my routine, I looked around at the rest of the room to see two small groups of people milling around, talking in whispers and amongst themselves, trying to look busy and detached as if what was about to happen was the last things on their minds, when in reality they couldn't wait to see what happened next.
Throughout my routine, I could hear every one of their whispers amongst themselves as they watched me dance, and whether they liked me or not there was no way around facing the truth. I could hear whispers of “She's good, she's really good,” “She's amazing!”, “I'm so glad we got her!” or Jessica Brinkley and her not so subtle remark of “Love her dancing, hate her.” All of these remarks and nods of agreement came from the people who happened to know I had managed to graduate from the Julliard School a year ago, and this job – my first job was my first performance in a lead role – prior to my successful audition four months ago, it had been one of the most prestigious jobs that most dancers had been eager to land, and my successful casting had ruffled more than a few feathers.
My audience kept looking from me to the director, Ben Smith – who over the past couple of months had not only been my director and mentor, but had also become a good friend after we managed to click immediately, within moments of meeting each other. I liked him for his professionalism and honesty – which I feared would have no mercy on me today, and which some people in the room would love to see him create a spectacle where they could equally gloat at me having fallen from grace.
Ben now wore a look of slight disdain on his face as he now stood opposite me – something I had never seen before. He looked around at the rest of my audience, Jessica's eyes lighting up – daggers in her eyes as she wore a smug smile as she waited for Ben to speak.
Ben looked at me, before looking at everyone else, lastly casting his eyes over Jessica, who smiled sweetly at him, a look of adoration sweeping across her face. He gave her a small, pinched expression before turning his head back to me, giving a small, kindly smile before it disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, now replaced with a sombre expression leaving me with no clue as to what was about to happen next. I was still panting silently, with more sweat starting to form down my back, my clothes felt clingy as I waited silently as he started to speak.
“That was good. We're finished for the day. I'll see everyone on Monday.” Ben had always been a bad liar and I looked carefully at his face while he addressed everybody, keeping his eyes focused on Jessica, her face having crumbled at her agony over not being able to witness my public humiliation, before composing herself quickly, turning to grab her bag, and starting to make a very pointedly slow walk towards the door.

As everyone slowly filtered out of the dance studio, I turned quickly towards Ben and pulled my hair back again nervously, as I shook my head in resignation, knowing what he would say before he even started to speak.
“Something's changed, Stacie. I don't know what it is, but something's missing.”
“The steps... I thought I did them perfectly....”
Ben gave me a beseeching look, and put a hand up to stop me mid-sentence.
“Stace... its not the steps. You're right – the steps are perfect. Its something else... the passion that you have... that's always been there... its gone. You need to bring it back.”
“I know, I know. I know I've been struggling to make things work... but I've tried my best....”
“We don't have time for you to get it together. Not anymore.” I became suddenly suspicious of his tone and the way he said “Not anymore.”
My breath regained, I looked up sharply and looked him in the eye.
'What is that supposed to mean?”
“I've decided to bring someone in. To help you.”
“What the hell – are you trying to underestimate me, Ben? You just said the choreography was fine!”
“Look Stacie, if you're going to question me over this because your ego is taking a nosedive, then I know I'm doing the right thing in bringing someone new in. I think the routine is still a bit rigid too, if you got into a different headspace and a different kind of environment, I'd be actually excited to see what you'd be able to bring to the routine.”
“Ben – come on, don't do this. You said the routine was fine less than a week ago! You said that, not me!”
“I'm not going to be told what to do by an mere amateur just graduated from school.” Ben said. “Stace... you know I think you're an exquisite dancer...all I'm saying is.... take some time, relax, breathe, and try something new. Let your guard down. Be more open.”
I sighed reluctantly, I didn't need any of this right now. I had always liked Ben, but however much I wanted to hide away from the truth, it was starting to catch up on me. The last few weeks I had been struggling to really engage with the music, the dance sequences, everything I was doing.
I turned away from him, walked across the studio floor, grabbed my bag and my cardigan, and walked out of the door, banging the door loudly behind me. I walked slowly to the car park, my mind racing, full of surging thoughts as I tried and failed to clear my mind.
I rested my head up against my car door as I closed my eyes and tried to think of something else that didn't have such a profound effect on me.
Dancing had always been something I had had a strong passion for. I had seen ballet dancers dance across a stage when I was a little girl, caught up and enraptured by their every fluid movement across the floor, the way their ballet shoes shimmered as they lifted into the air with every lift and every turn. I had danced my way from stage school to Julliard – always the perfectionist, never being able to rest or really let myself relax before every step was perfected and committed to memory. Lately, dancing had become a way of catharsis for me, but now, I began to feel lost and unnerved.
Physically, and even now, I was not what a dancer was supposed to look like. I should be agile, flexible, with a curvaceous body that would pour into every part of a leotard, and a body that could accentuate every dance move all by itself with a little bit of its own bounce. I was none of those things. I was tall and slender, and because I had had to be physically fit and active, I had lost any trace of all the womanly curves I was supposed to have had. Instead, although I was toned and in pretty good shape, I envied the women I saw all the time with their hourglass figures, wearing dresses that emphasized all of their assets, whilst a dress on me seemed to look horribly masculine.
My skin had always been clear, but lately it had started to become pallid – my usual caramel coloured brown hue lost, replaced by an almost light brown translucent colour. My face had always been pretty – I had heard many people on many occasions coo and gasp over my features saying that I was devastatingly beautiful, and asking whether I was a model, people expecting to see my face - which filled a certain caliber in the pages of glossy magazines. I never really paid much attention to the way I had looked – I had always thought my face was far too symmetrical to be considered as actually beautiful, and I often found myself unable to respond to people's adoring gazes.
I wasn't naïve to the fact that my looks may have helped certain factors in helping me become a dancer, but as well as this, I was certain that there were also people who look a lot better than me, so I had to have something else.
Up until a year and a half ago, my life had been pretty good for your average 23 year old. I had been on the verge of graduating from the Julliard School, I had moved into my first flat, and although it was long distance, my boyfriend Jake and I loved each other enough to continue to make things work between us. We had been going out for a total of eight grand years, which was more than an eternity when it came to first and fickle teenage relationships, but we were determined to get through anything, falling under the same naïve disillusion that we had each other.
Our parents had both been married to each other for years and we were both so excited that one day we might be able to do the same. We felt we were kindred spirits – both one and the same – with so much hopes and aspirations for the future, and not being able to really relate to anyone of the same age – apart from each other. Then, everything snapped back into reality, and a year and a half ago, my parents decided to tell both me and my older brother Darren, that dad had a cocaine problem and had been using for the past two years.
I felt empty, betrayed, and numb inside, and at that very moment my dad managed to become a person I didn't recognise. Myself and Darren didn't need to hear the news – at the time, it was just the wrong time in both of our lives. It threw my relationship with Jake into turmoil, and we broke up. Jake always stood by the fact that something bigger than the both of us was happening – we were both changing, and he just couldn't handle my distance anymore – I didn't know how to laugh, how to dance, how to respond to him. Darren didn't need dad's bombshell dropped on him as he already had one of his own – his girlfriend Natasha Baila, was 12 weeks pregnant and wanted to keep their baby. Despite everything, we all managed to get through it together, me and Darren looked for support in each other, and my mother Gail, managed to support her husband in the way that he wanted her to – she surrendered herself completely, and for the first time in her life, surrendered her fight with her husband and suburbia to be seen as a couple who was different – a couple who could live the suburbian life but still be interesting, stimulating people, to still have dreams and ambitions, to not feel suffocated by a life that they had been persuaded into without reading the fine print. For the first time, my mother lost her depth, lost her personality, lost her thirst for life, and instead of being a desperate housewife all of this time, she finally gave up and became a perfect one. This lasted for a year, before she very calmly asked my dad for a divorce over breakfast, with no thought, no regard, no emotions, and with nothing left to say.
I stopped the car and got out, slamming the door behind me in anger over what just happened back in the dance studio. I walked up to my door, and opened it slowly, before closing it silently behind me and sighing deeply. I threw my bag down on the sofa, and I was forced to admit I had been lying to myself. I had been struggling to pay attention to my dancing, and ever since my break up a year and a half ago, I had managed to throw myself into dancing and nothing else. For the first couple of months this had started to pay off, but now it seems all my feelings I had put firmly to the back of my mind was now starting to catch up with me.

Tomorrow would be the beginning of my wake up call. Although I had got to know Ben pretty well, I had no idea of what kind of person he would bring in to help bring about this change of his that he so desperately needed me to make. He had been cast as the director of the biggest musical production that had been seen in New York for a long time, and he had had two years to have found a suitable lead role before his roving eye eventually settled on me. I didn't sleep well that night, tossing and turning in bed as my head refused to clear and allow my body to rest. I pulled my duvet completely over my head, allowing complete darkness, and later on added the two pillows that were always beside me, but to no avail. I didn't fall asleep until the early hours of the morning, when my tiredness finally managed to overcome my throbbing head, and I drifted off into a short and dreamless sleep.
Thick spatters of rain dripping down my window was all I could see in the morning. I sighed and thought that the rain seemed to relfect my own mood perfectly. Despite everything that had happened, and the fact that I had had a restless night, I could feel the adrenaline begin to surge inside of me, and I was eager to prove to Ben and whoever this other person was that I could get back the passion that I had lost all on my own and without any help – how hard could it be? I just had to focus.
Breakfast with my best friend Dion was a quiet event. Since my graduation from Julliard and my breakup with Jake, I had wanted to move out of the area and back to the city as quick as possible. I planned to move back in with my parents, but as the weeks turned into days all too quickly, the thought of it made me feel uncomfortable, and after a couple of nights talking with Dion, she convinced me it would be a good idea for us to live together.
Dion Andrews had been my capricious best friend for 20 years, and she had always been the more confident out of the two of us. She was darker than me, and had dark brown ebony coloured skin. She had always been outlandish, wanting to do things that nobody else thought of, and nobody else had the courage to do. Her clothes hung perfectly off her curvaceous figure, and her jet black hair was cut into a short bob that drew attention to her softly rounded face. She had managed to fall in love once, completely and utterly, until he broke her heart, and her attitude towards men changed. Dion was a firm non believer in relationships, and stated anybody who allowed themselves to be in one refused to wait for something better and more exciting to come along, so now she stuck to a long list of short lived affairs that lasted a few weeks.
Breakfast with Dion was a quiet affair – she knew when something was wrong and best left alone. But it wasn't long before she felt the urge to say something.
“Stace... are you OK? You seem tired. Did everything go OK at the studio yesterday?” She asked, a sign of trepidation in her voice.
I looked up slowly as I sat down at the table and began to massage my temples, trying to rid myself of a surging headache.
“Yeah, I guess. Ben wants me to go under instruction. He thinks I've lost my passion.”
“What? That's ridiculous, you're one of the most passionate people I know! Has he lost his mind or something?”
“That's the thing though. Much as I hate to admit it to him, he probably does have a point. Its not my steps, or anything like that. As far as precision and detail go, the routine's perfect. But I've just stopped caring.”
“Does this have anything to do with everything thats been happening? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.” Dion said, her hands resting in front of her resolutely as she looked up at me.
I reached for the coffee maker on the table and poured myself a large mug of black coffee, dumping two blocks of sugar into the mug as well.
“I don't know... I just need to focus.... and try and get my priorities straight.”
“OK. Well, let me know how it goes. Good luck with everything. If you need anything, just call me.”
I thanked her, knowing her hope for me to do well was wasted. The way I was feeling right now, I would be sure it would be a struggle getting out to the car let alone trying to make a good impression on anyone else.
Dion left first, for the office where she worked in advertising, brainstorming all day for the right kinds of slogans to evoke the right types of messages.
I didn't want to be too early to the studio, but I found myself unable to stay alone in the flat with my own heavy thoughts anymore. I grabbed my short tan leather jacket and picked up my car keys, grabbing my bag on the way out, and into the rain.
The rain had cleared up significantly since I had woken up, the torrential rain I had seen outside my window had decresed to a light rain, and not enough to soak me through immediately as I locked up the front door. I was in a hurry to get to my car and out of the wet mist that clung to my bedhead curls. Inside my Suzuki Jeep, it was nice and dry, as I positioned the rearview mirror towards me to try and fix my hair, pinning my brown curls up into a loose bun again. I dipped into my bag and began to flick my mascara wand casually over my lashes, aftewards puttlng a slick of natural lip gloss on my lips, running a hand through my hair to straighten out any loose curls.
The engine roared loudly to life, and the radio started to blare out loud, annoying music that I paid no attention to. Instead, my hand wondered to my hand and started to feel around for the audio CD mix that I always carried in my bag filled with my sequence music. I located it quickly and pushed it into the CD player, pressing play while trying to keep my eyes on the road, swerving in and out of cars as I tried to desperately avoid any signs of traffic.
The studio had never been difficult for me to find, and during my year of driving to and from it everyday, I had always found it pretty easy to get to. It sat on a long road of office buildings, and was cushioned between two other large dance studios that were part of the college round the corner. Island Studios was the largest of the two, and was just a short way away from the musical stage where I was set to make my debut performance just over a year from now. My sequence was just a short part of a much bigger picture, and Ben seemed keen to assure me every day that there was no time to waste.
I parked in front of the studios, and it was so early in the morning that instead of the usual packed car park where I struggled to find a space, my car was only one of the very few vehicles in the entire parking lot. I turned off the engine and stepped reluctantly from the warm car back out into the rain and mist of the early morning, and walked down the large stone path towards the front entrance and through the double doors. Inside the studio reception it was brightly lit and much more warmer than I'd initially hoped for. The studio was notoriously strict about its admission policies. Although there were no fees for actually attending the studio, the studio was used as a large training ground for many prolific job opportunities, and in order to be allowed to train in any one of the studios, references had to be provided from dance schools of a certain caliber. Anything less was a decided no go zone.
I walked past the reception desk, where Bobby, the receptionist sat staring haphazardly at his computer screen with a bored look on his face, as if he would be only too happy to be anywhere else. Bobby always wore tight denim jeans with a loose fitting t-shirt, despite the dress code for employees being smart casual.
“Hey Bobby.” I said, as I walked past him, giving him a wave and a smile.
“Oh, hey Stace. There's something you should know. Ben came in an hour ago with some guy, looked a bit of a big deal. He was really nice, but there's definetely a bit of an ego there.”
“What? He's here?”
“Yeah, I think so. Who are we talking about, exactly?”
“Oh.... Ben wants me to work on.... well. he wants to introduce me to someone, that's all.”
“Well, they're in there right now. Give me all the gossip later!”
I laughed and shook my head. “Yeah, you can hold your breath for that.”
“You never know, sweetie. This could be the start of something big, and then, a year or two from now, I'll get to finally say, I was there when it all happened.... from the very first day!”
“I doubt much will happen, Bob... but who am I to stop you from fantasising?” I said, giving him a wink and walking down the corridor, before turning left towards the double doors of the studio.
I walked into the studio, dumped my bag into the nearest corner, glanced quickly down at my watch, and ran into the forefront of the room. As I ran into the bright spotlights of the dance studio, I noticed Ben talking quietly on the phone over in the far left corner. I slowed down to a stop, and as I tried to gesture wildly to Ben, I noticed somebody else out of the corner of my eye, and it was there, leaning casually against the wall, that I first saw him for the very first time.
He was tall, and masculine – with a strong jaw line and short black hair shorn close to his head. His features were straight, aligned in perfect symmetry, no angle unflattering on his face at all. His face was the most attractive I had ever seen – in a long time, maybe ever, but he carried himself as if he were almost too aware of this fact, and he could have anybody he wanted – any woman he wanted, like lickety – without any hesitation at all.
He had his phone in the palm of his hand and was texting furiously, his brows furrowed, a crooked smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, as he smiled, showing a perfect set of white teeth, chiselled cheekbones and dimples so cute that you could stick a dime in them. His dark eyes flickered to mine for a fraction of a second – the light hazlenut colour of his eyes were mesmerizing – just like swirling whirlpools of milk chocolate, matching his skin perfectly.
He looked away quickly, more quickly than I could have anticipated, and seemed to focus his concentration more resolutely towards his mobile phone.
As he finished his text, he suddenly looked up and met my gaze, which had been allowed a free reign as he had been occupied with his phone. He now met my gaze with an expression of evident curiosity, before giving me a small, pinched smile.
I felt something like a small electric shock run through me, taking a couple of moments to register the man standing before me, taking in his muscular body, his clothes, the way he seemed to naturally radiate confidence.
I composed myself quickly and began to walk over to him, reciprocating him with a friendly smile. Ben walked over to us at the same time, and quickly began rambling apoligies for being delayed on his phone.
“Daniel... I'd like you to meet Stacie Anderson. Stacie, this is Daniel Thomas. He's an up and coming choreographer and producer, and hopefully, he'll be able to help you bring something new to all of this.”
Ben said with a small smile, directed especially for me. I looked at him and gave him a small, sarcastic playful smile.
“Its nice to meet you.” His voice was deep and resonant, and I was slowly filled with sweet anticipation over what would happen next.
He stiffened as he looked at me, and looked down again at his phone lazily, not even bothering to make the effort with me at all. He gave me a small smile and carried on texting on his mobile phone.
I looked over at Ben, who gave me a puzzled look, and I wondered if I would be able to bring at least one sentence out of him. Anything would be better than this.
“I'm already combining classic and contemporary dance sequences.... I'm taking the contemporary pieces from different dance styles and inspirations.”
“Well, I saw some of your sequence on the VT, and Ben's right – you've lost something. I'm here to instruct you. For my standards, you have a very long way to go.”
‘So, if you don’t mind me asking, why should I listen to you?’ I asked him, wanting to hear what his answer would be.
Daniel looked at me incredulously before starting to laugh, looking over at Ben who laughed nervously back, before giving me a look of disdain.
'Why should you listen to me? Because I'm the best prayer you have if you want to make it to the top of all of this. I'm the one that can help you – that needs to help you. My job is to help you shift the standard of your dance sequences from mere polite praise to something else on a whole other level of success.'
I sighed deeply, not really knowing what to expect from any of this. Daniel looked at me again, and I could feel his eyes exploring every part of me, trying to work out my personality and character from simply what my image subconsciously projected.
“I need to see you dance first.” Daniel said, matter of factly, and he leaned backwards into the wall, a smug smile on his face as I turned away from him slightly and started to position myself in the middle of the room. Although I was certain about what was about to happen, for the first time in a long time I felt nervous, nauseated, and the flutter of nervous butterflies felt as if they were crashing against my stomach – making it difficult for me to breathe.
I stood still as the music began to start suddenly, and my body began to move seamlessly and fluidly through each and every movement. As I observed Daniel's face in the room, his face watching mine intently, I felt something stir inside me – my passion for my dancing increasing now with every second. It wasn't just the presence of having him in the room – I wanted to silence his judgement, to make him regret the slight criticisms he had already chosen to voice within minutes of meeting me – all of these things urged me on to be more focused and precise in my movements, with passion and flair with every facial expression and every hand gesture, each movement was seamless, and I flowed through the routine with poetic grace and ease.
I could feel sweat starting to rise up my back, and a shortness of breath in my mouth as the music slowed down and my legs eventually stopped moving. I looked up to see a blank look on Daniel's face – his expression unreadable and empty, and I hated to stand there helpless with no idea or perception of his thoughts about me and my skills and qualifications as a dancer. For the most part, Daniel worked in the mainstream music industry, where many of the talented dancers had little actual recognised qualifications and an abundance of raw talent – maybe my innate knowledge of precise dance steps and certain routines would be lost on this particular man.
“It was fine.” Daniel said, now distracted by his phone. He looked up after a few moments to find me still standing there, waiting furiously for more feedback in order to help me, which is what he had spent the last ten minutes promising to do.
Daniel looked up at me for a brief second, a puzzled expression on his face before raising his eyebrows comically with mock concern.
“Was there something else you wanted? Why are you still standing here?”
'I'm sorry.... its just...”
“What?”
“This just isn't the way I usually work, that's all.”
“Work on it and come back tomorrow with something better.”
I nodded my head resolutely and breathed in deeply. I turned away from him and walked towards the door, grabbing my bag and reaching inside for a bottle of water.
He turned back towards his phone as I gave him one last look before calling out to Ben.
“Ben? Ben? What did you think??” I said, calling him over from where he was standing in the corner, and talking incessantly on his mobile phone. He looked over towards me quickly, and snapped his phone shut agitatedly, before making his way over to where I was standing.
He grabbed my arm and walked me over to the far side of the room, out of Daniel's earshot, and started whispering furiously.
“Stacie...You need to trust Daniel enough to place yourself completely in his hands.”
“You can't be serious – I mean, the guy practically has no time for anyone... how do you expect me to work like this?”
“If you can't work like this, you're not as good a dancer as I've been led to believe all this time... just trust me, OK, Daniel knows what he's doing.”
I looked back at Daniel one more time, and instantly regretted it. Now that he was off his mobile phone, he was glaring at me again, his eyes full of regret and boredom, as if this was the very last place on earth he wanted to be.
I didn't understand him at all – was this even his nomal behaviour? Ben had been regaling me with various stories about him all week prior to his visit, which were full of Daniel's charm and charisma. Looking back at him, i just couldn't see it, and wasn't even sure if I could be bothered to believe he was a nice guy.
He started to walk over to where we were, in long strides, so he stood inches away from me before I'd even had time to process that he was making his way over. My mind was so full that my head started to throb, and my anger started to flair the more that I looked over at him.
He nodded to Ben, and Ben gave a pathetic wave before he started to walk towards the door, without saying one word to me. He seemed much taller now, and was out the door before either Ben and me had moved from our frozen positions.
I tried to block the overwhelming anger that had started to boil up inside me, furious at Daniel's rude mannerisms – everything about him made me see red – his smug smile, his condescending tone, his expression of nonchalance – I couldn't understand any of it.
“Do you want to get a cup of coffee or something? Talk things over?” A voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked up, to see Ben standing next to me. He smiled at me in a friendly, sympthetic way. His offer had caught me completely off guard and I gave him a small, soft smile.
“I don't know... “ I started to say, not quite sure of where this conversation was heading.
“Come on Stace, you need to unwind. I'm buying.” He said, giving me an even bigger smile and a wink.
“Right now, i'm not much fun to be around. I wouldn't be very good company...” I said to him, as I could see his face started to drop.
“Not today... anyway.' I said, not wanting to leave things on a bad note.
“Let me walk you to your car at least?” Ben offered again, determined not to be beaten. I nodded slowly, and Ben's wide smile returned just as quickly as it had disappeared.
I grabbed my bag from the corner of the room and started to walk towards the door. Ben supplied most of the conversation whilst I happily let my mind wander, and it wasn't long until thoughts of Daniel started to fill my head. Ben was talking about the role of the lead performance – the role I was going to take on, and all the benefits, experience, and new people I would get to meet that would lay the foundations for my future career in dance.
As we got outside and made our way towards the parking lot, Ben turned around to me. “You know, I've never seen Daniel act like that before... you must have really rubbed him up the wrong way.”
I flinched suddenly, as the cold air whipped around my face, the smell of coconut and almonds in the air as I always washed my hair with the same shampoo and conditioners.
I wasn't the only one that had noticed at least, but for all Ben's actions he might as well not have said anything at all. I was intrigued to know that this wasn't Daniel's normal behaviour, and if it was, I was hard pushed to believe that he had gotten as far as he had so quickly by being nothing but rude. Despite my best intentions though, i wanted to know more. I was angry at myself for acting like a annoying teenager in high school, but I needed to know what his problem was, and wasn't about to lay anything to rest.
“What do you mean?”
“He looked like this was the very last place he wanted to be. When I spoke to him on the phone, he couldn't have sounded more different. He was so abrupt, I've never seen him like that. All the other people he's worked with simply fawn all over him. Nobody has a bad word to say about him – except you.”
“I don't know.” I responded. “I never even had an actual conversation with him.”
“He was acting really weird today.” Ben lingered by my car as he continued speaking. “My only advice to you is don't give up, and do whatever it takes to get him to form a different opinion of you. First impressions are important – especially in this industry, and its clear that neither of you gave off very good ones towards each other.”
I smiled at him before unlocking my car door, throwing my bag restlessly in the passenger seat. Ben was always friendly and admiring towards me, but this was not enough to ease my irritation.
Ben tapped me on the shoulder lightly, and smiled. “I'll see you tommorrow, OK?” He looked down at his mobile phone which had started buzzing. He hesitated and looked up quickly at me, before giving me a small smile.
“I have to go. Drive safely.” Ben said, as I closed the car door. I put the key into the ignition angrily, turned it, and felt a new gust of air sweep over me from the open window as the engine roared into life.
I looked over to the passenger seat where my bag was and realized that I had forgotten my jacket back in the dance studio. I sighed reluctantly, brought the car to a standstill and turned off the engine. I got out of the car, and slamming the door behind me, walked quickly back towards the dance studio. The reception was empty now as I walked down towards the studio, and pushed open the doors slowly, leaving the door slightly ajar behind me. I could hear muffled voices as I walked into the studio, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Ben standing there, his back towards me, shielding who he was talking to, but as I walked into the light, I could see that he was talking to Daniel, him being a couple of inches taller than Ben. I almost turned around and walked back out, but somehow I stood frozen to the spot and out of sight as I struggled to hear what was going on. I recognised Daniel's short black hair, but neither of them seemed to notice my soft footsteps.
Daniel's voice was warm and soft, while Ben's was higher and more resolute. I tried to make sense of what was going on – why they would both be back here – at the same time – this must be about something – or someone.
I didn't want to believe that this was all about me – and I wasn't going to. Daniel had been nothing but a perfect – and rude – stranger towards me, and he had made his feelings crystal clear. Ben had said to me that all his other clients had had nothing but good things to say about him, great things even – that his personality radiated character, charmn, charisma, warmth – all of these things were lost on me when I started to think about the ways in which I thought of Daniel.
I stopped fidgeting and did my best to listen, as Daniel sighed, raising a hand in the air and stopping him mid-sentence.
“Ben – what do you want me to say? I can't do it – i know I said I would, but I can't. I won't work with her. isn't there anything you can do? I know a few people that can take my place with this.”
“Daniel – my hands are tied. You know I can't do anything, and when I spoke to you on the phone, you said you would be more than happy to do this for me. When I explained to you Stacie's level of expertise, you agreed you would do this.”
“I know, I know I said that. Look, isn't there something you can do??”
The voices stopped suddenly, and Daniel now moved around Ben and looked towards the door. His eyes eventually settled on me, and glared at me, a furious look set on his handsome features. He rolled his eyes and turned back to Ben.
Ben turned around and looked at me quickly, a nervous look on his face. Daniel cleared his throat, while Ben tried to appease him.
“What do you want me to say, Daniel? I need you to do this.” Ben answered.
“Don't bother then. I guess I'll just have to endure it. It'll be fine.” He said, and walked away from Ben. He took long strides as he walked quickly towards the door, not even acknowledging my presence, and disappared out of the door.
I shook my head slowly and walked towards the far corner to grab my jacket. Ben came over to me in a matter of seconds, his voice angry and his expression fierce. I flashed him the most dazzling smile I could muster to watch his face melt completely before me.
“Tell me you have a good reason for being here?”
“Yeah... my jacket.” I said, holding it in the air.
“Right. Did you happen to hear... any of that?” Ben asked, trepidaciously.
“No, not one word.” I lied, my voice desolate and struggling to convince.
When I got back to my car, I was grateful to be alone. I needed time to think, and I sat inside for a while and simply stared out through the windscreen, allowing my mind to wonder and completely envelope me. Dazed and confused, I started the engine again, which roared to life. I stepped on the accelarator peddle as quickly as I could and sped all the way home, refusing to let my expression slip. Tears were just not worth my time anymore.

*
I woke up to find rays of morning light edging underneath the drawn curtains. I lay in my bed, putting a hand to my head, knowing what to expect of the day ahead of me. I was still tired, unable to sleep because of all the swirling thoughts in my head.
I knew what to expect today – I was sure Daniel wouldn't be any easier for me to deal with, or if he was still going to be at the studio at all. I still found it hard to believe he had such a problem with me, that he had spoken to Ben about wanting to pull out a mere 3 hours after meeting me. I had been tired and edgy towards having to do the showcase again, but I had been ready and willing to do whatever it takes to get my dancing back up to the level it had always been.
i got to the studio early, before the receptionists had even managed to make it in to work – not knowing what to expect, but whatever it was, I could deal with it after yesterday. I wanted to speak to him, demanding to know what his problem was, and why it seemed to be all about me. Why did he insist he wanted nothing more to do with this project? I didn't expect much of a response – just a few glares thrown my way.
I walked into the studio to find Daniel standing across from me. I didn't know what to expect, or even what to say, so i just dropped my bag and jacket in the corner and started to practice my steps in front of the mirror, silently nodding over at him, just to be polite at the very most. I refused to meet his level of rude mannerisms. I glanced down at my watch for a few seconds, as he still stood watching me.
Very slowly, as I practiced my steps, slowly fanning out into a canon, he came over towards me. I stopped, and waited for him to speak.
“Hey.” Said a deep, warm voice. I looked up and saw him standing in front of me, not knowing what to expect or even to say to him. He looked at me as I began to see a slight smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.
His eyes were still careful as he looked at me.
“I'm sorry for the way I acted the other day... I just wanted to apologise.”
“Its fine... whatever.” I replied nonchantly as I began to turn away from him and back towards the mirror.
He looked at me and nodded before suddenly grabbing my arm.
“No, listen, its not OK. I just need you to know that... I guess I haven't been feeling like myself lately... and I... I shouldn't have taken it out on you.”
“That's OK.” I looked away from him awkwardly, wanting to get back to my dance steps as quickly as possible.
“Should we get started... properly at least?” I looked up to see him smiling a crooked smile, flashing his perfect set of white teeth at me.
“Fine. I usually start with a combination first.”
“Go ahead.” He smirked and took a couple of steps backwards.
I went through the showcase again, all of it, while Daniel stood in front of me and assessed my every move.
“I get what you're trying to do... but it's a bit too stiff and boring... too rigid.”
“Well... that's the way its going to be.”
“What's the harm in trying to let me help you? This is, after all, what I've been hired to do. Your routine is good, but it needs work. You need me.” He gave me a smug smile as his eyes flashed at the same time.
I sighed deeply, and ran a hand through my hair. This was going to be a very long day.
“What if you take me through the steps... we can do this together.” He said, looking at me as he started to remove his tan coloured leather jacket.
I started to take him through the steps again, and before long, he had caught up perfectly. The next time we ran through the sequence, we were perfectly in sync with one another.
The music started to come to an end, and I stopped, looking at him quickly. I was breathless, and continued to look at him, panting softly.
“Do you want to take a break, maybe?” Daniel suddenly asked me. I had the feeling that after a couple of answers of wordless dancing and endless routine steps, Daniel was suddenly trying his best to make small talk. I was tired, and would have preferred to go home, but I wanted to know why a mere 24 hours earlier, he had flat out refused to work with me, and still hadn't told me any reason or logic behind it.
“Yeah. Sounds good.”
I sat down on one of the chairs with a bottle of water, and he sat opposite me. I unscrewed the bottle as quickly as I could, I was so dehydrated.
“How long have you been dancing?”
I looked at him. “Ever since I was little. I've always loved it.”
I looked over at him.
“So what about you? I mean, why did you tell Ben you wanted nothing to do with this yesterday?”
He looked at me, his chocolate coloured eyes flashing underneath the bright strobe lights of the studio.
“You heard that?” He looked at me, an expression of worry and concern starting to sweep over his face.
“Every word.” I said, glaring at him and looking directly in the eye.
“I'm sorry. I just had a moment of weakness... I haven't been myself lately, and its taken a lot out of me. Its complicated.”
“I think I can keep up.” I said, flashing him a small smile.
“The last client I worked with.... she didn't get signed to the agency she wanted to after I had finished working with her. She was talented, just like you, and I couldn't imagine her not getting accepted... but she didn't, and for the longest time afterwards, all she did was blame me. It took a lot out of me, I've never been in a position where I've had to shoulder so much blame before. So i've just concentrated on my own well being. The only reason I agreed to help you is because I've been friends with Ben a long time. But I thought I couldn't handle it. That's the reason I freaked out.”
I nodded, trying to see his reason. “And now?”
“What if I said I had new found faith?”
I couldn't help but smile as he looked at me, flashing a dazzling grin as he did so.
This sudden change in him had caught me off guard, like he seemed to be going through two different extremes of personality, but at least now I could see that there was a reason behind the way he had acted towards me, and I was relieved to find out that it hadn't been all about me.
I had always been confident about my dancing for the most part, and although things with Daniel had improved despite horrible first impressions, I was still unsure about him, and so for the first time in a long time, each and every morning I woke up with no idea what to expect.

*